guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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