we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
