you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
