I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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