Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
