What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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