the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
My breasts were aching with rage.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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