..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
