Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
We need to get me chipped asap
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
