im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
