I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
