We just shotgunned beers for America
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
