I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
