Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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