i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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