Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Randomize
