I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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