were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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