Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
