do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
