I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
