We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
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