Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
