his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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