Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
there's paper in my vomit.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
