he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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