Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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