So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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