There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
