people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Randomize
