dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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