Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
