He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
