dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
