Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
