I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
if you like me you must not know who I am
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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