And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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