Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
