I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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