if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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