I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
COCAINE IS GR8
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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