You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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