Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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