I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
