This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i already hear my dad disowning me
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
