Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
