I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
