Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
