atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
