i wish there were pregnant emoticons
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
