they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
