Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
