I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
