Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
